Tuesday, March 22, 2011

This can't be what works...

Well, boy have I missed you!! Things have been so crazy and I don't even know where to begin. I do know this...I have discovered that I have a hard time writing when things aren't going well. I think it is because I figure that unless I have something great, inspiring, funny or I don't know, world-changing to say, there's no reason to write. And, I have had a difficult time putting one foot in front of the other, much less have anything interesting to say.

When we returned from Florida, WAYYYYY back in November, my job was killing me. I was working at least 10 hours a day and every time I planned to run or work out, something came up and I never made myself a priority. So, I decided to leave the daycare. I had some misguided idea that I would sell insurance. Now that you have stopped laughing - let me explain. I thought that I would use my personality to make money. That kind of sounded prostitution, didn't it? And, it kind of was. I only lasted a week. I felt like a failure. During all of this, I never asked God what He thought. I did kind of run it past Him, but I didn't ask His opinion or permission. So, He stepped in. Because like a bad two year old, left to my own devices, I WILL hurt myself.

It was my third day selling insurance when I realized that I couldn't do this. It was a Wednesday, and by God's hand, I began talking to Patti at church about the pastoral care ministry. One thing led to another, and in the course of a couple of days, I had quit the insurance business and was preparing to work on becoming a licensed counselor in Missouri.

I truly believe that this is what God has always intended for me to do. Way back when I graduated from Evangel, I had a job lined up at the Greene County Jail working with inmates and I loved that work. The state cut funding, I lost my job, right when it started, and then I believe for the following 9.5 years, I had a temper tantrum. A really BIG temper tantrum!! God didn't let me do what I thought I wanted, so I'm not going to do anything at all. So, I continued to take jobs teaching preschool, which I loved, but I don't think that was REALLY where God wanted me and I didn't really care.

In addition to all of that - I was in alot of physical pain. I wasn't sure what was wrong but I hurt all the time. At night, in the daytime, I couldn't walk right and people were always asking me why I was limping. I didn't want to go to the doctor for fear that it would be alot of money with no diagnosis. I had tried walking and it hurt so bad I couldn't sleep. On Monday, Joe came home for lunch and said he was going to run. I said I would go with him.

Oddly enough, running made me feel better. I don't hurt as bad, I don't walk funny and I just feel better all over.

Now, this makes me wonder...why would something that I hate doing and that you would think would make me hurt worse, makes me feel better?? All I know, is that I remember feeling better back when I was running all the time. Why would God have it so that the one thing I hate doing makes me feel better? I don't know and I don't care....

No comments:

Post a Comment