Living OUT LOUD!!!

This morning was a very long, hot, humid, slow, and frustrating run. It gave me alot of time to think about some things.

I have a confession to make. I have noticed that if I am having a bad day, or week, I don't want to blog. It's because I don't want people to know that things aren't going well in my life. I think I should not have any complaints because I am blessed. I was one of those kids who when they were getting spanked, wouldn't cry to give the spanker the satisfaction of knowing that it hurt me. So, I want the world to think that everything is going great in my life. ALL THE TIME. The reality is - NEWSFLASH: it doesn't..

SO,

As I was running today, I heard Rob Thomas' new song and the lyrics are:

"you can go, you can start all over again,
you can try to find a way to make another day go by,
you can hide, hold all your feelings inside,
you can try to carry on when all you want to do is cry,

And someday maybe we could figure all this out
Try to put an end to all this doubt
...maybe we'll live our lives out loud.

...you can run and when everything is over and done
you can shine a little light on everything around you."

I felt as if God were talking to me. Just when I fix one thing, I realize something else is broken.

I don't think I am being the "me" God intended. I am trying to retrieve some parts of me that I liked from be 'before' years. Before I came back to God. I used to live out loud - with little regard to what others thought. I miss that girl who was crazy and fearless. I don't want to go back completely to that girl, but I want to get back some of the things that made her so infectious. I really want to live out loud. Maybe not as loud as I was before, but definitely louder than now.

The only time I come close to feeling this way is when I am worshiping. I'd like to try to carry that abandon into my everyday life so that I can "shine a little light on everything around me".