The first thing I have to say is that we are going to Florida for Thanksgiving. My family lives in a small town outside of Tampa, however, we are going to stay at the beach for the week of Thanksgiving. My determiner of how the forgiveness is going is by seeing the people in person I am forgiving. So, we are spending the week with my family at the beach. After the encouraging talk with my parents, I realized that my mom had not seen Joseph since he was 2 and a half and my dad last saw him when he was 5. I decided that the right thing to do was go there. We will be staying on the beach that we stayed on every summer until I was 13. It is beautiful and I am praying for the best. I am so lucky that I have the best husband in the world. When we talked about doing it and taking Joseph out of school, he reminded me that if one of them was really ill, we would take him out of school and go, so why not do it while they are still in good health.
Today, instead of running, I mowed the yard. I cannot believe how much it had grown since I did it last week. I thought the grass dies in July???? It always feels so serene as I am mowing. I am not sure why but I really love doing it.
The Forgiveness Project is going well. I have moved down the list and am trying to implement it into my life on a daily basis. I don't always do so well.
I have noticed that 'the voice' is almost gone. The only thing I hear now is my own voice. And that responds, comments, degrades in the way I would, not the old voice would. I have to keep working on not being mean to myself and to forgive myself when I do. I am now the hardest person to be nice to.
Last Saturday, I accidentally locked myself out of my house about 45 minutes before I was supposed to be at church. I say accidentally, although no one really locks themselves out on purpose. I walked to the corner computer store to use their phone book and they didn't have one and were very rude about helping me. I called three locksmiths that claimed to be "24/7" and they all said they didn't have anyone available. Hmmmmm - maybe I'm confused about what 24/7 means, I don't know. Finally, I got one to come and open the front door. For $45!!!! However, he did ask me out to dinner. I politely declined. Then, on Sunday, when I fed the dog, I realized the back door had been unlocked the whole time. This created multiple situations to forgive myself. Let's say that there was ALOT of mean talk prior to the forgiving creating even more opportunities to forgive myself.
I have tried to question "Would I say to Joseph what I just said to myself?" as the premier rule about how I speak to myself. Let's say that last weekend, I have spoken nicer to people I don't even like. I am seriously working on treating myself better. Until I made a mistake in my checking account.....
You know what's funny about this whole blog thing? I had thought out my blog while I was mowing and yet, when I sat down at the library, it went in a whole other direction. Oh well - you'll get that one another day....
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