I don't think this is REALLY about the Motrin

Today was the WORST running day I have had since the day I started running. It wasn't the heat because it was a really nice day - nice breeze and not too hot. I had to quit using Motrin last week before I had the colonoscopy. So, I decided that I would try not to use it again EVER. That wasn't the greatest idea I have ever had. In fact - I think it was stupid. This morning, I swear I heard things actually creak when I got out of bed and then, halfway through my run, everything hurt so bad I just had to stop. I felt more than just hurt, I felt defeated. This promptly led to my crying and sobbing on the park path. I hate it when that happens. It makes me feel very weak and helpless. And then it hit me. I think it might be more than just the lack of Motrin. I think it might be Satan.

OK, here's the deal - I decided that I was going to quit worrying about money and just trust God to provide. Just when I thought I was not going to get to substitute teach anymore at my old preschool, I got more hours. Then, I decided to REALLY try to pursue a speaking career. I decided to sell Avon. I know that there are people who don't think that God really cares about the little stuff in my life. But I can't help but think that if He cares about the big stuff, then why wouldn't He care about the little stuff if it matters to me and I matter to Him?

In the last several months, I have made some huge decisions that have dramatically changed my life. I decided to start running and to start forgiving. I have decided to start treating my body as the temple of God that it is. I have decided to trust God that He will take care of me. That's more progress than some entire years in my life.

Recently at our small group, I mentioned that I felt sad that Mel Gibson had fallen so far from just a few years ago. I then said that it was also sad that He had talked about how much he loved Jesus and how making the film "The Passion of the Christ" had deepened his relationship with Him. I remarked that it was a shame that Mel didn't anticipate that when he stood up for Christ, Satan was going to notice. And wait. And then, Mel would give him ammunition.

Well, I guess I didn't think I was very important to the big plan. It hadn't occurred to me until this morning, when I was crying on the path at the park, that Satan would try to push my buttons too. My buttons are different than Mel's. I'm not going to drink and drive, use racist language or beat up my girlfriend. But, I can, with very little encouragement, beat up myself and doubt my abilities. Then, I can feel defeated and give up. That removes me from making a difference in anyone else's life. And I thought it was just about Motrin.....