Today, I am going to be thankful...

I actually wrote this on the 9th of August but it didn't post for some reason. Or maybe it was operator error, I'm not really sure.

I started this post yesterday after my run. I just couldn't get it right so, I just stopped.

I am happy to report that yesterday's run involved no crying. It was terrific. I felt so much better. I ran at the park again. It was pretty hot by the time I finished, but I didn't hurt. And there was great music on the radio. Today, though was very hot!! There was not a breeze and it was so humid. Still not bad though.

I have not been doing very well treating my body as God's temple. That's really sad. Then, I beat myself up about it. For some unexplainable reason, I have been feeling some really strong self-loathing about my body. When this happens, I get crazy about my diet and food. I come up with crazy ideas to lose weight like only drinking protein drinks and eating fruit.

I have Celiacs disease so that means I can't eat anything with gluten in it. Gluten is a protein in wheat, rye and barley. It is used to bind things as well so it is what holds the seasoning onto chips or things like that. This limits what I can eat dramatically. So, there aren't that many things that are good to even cheat with that don't make me sick.

I do really good making choices that are good for me when it comes to this stuff. I don't eat things that make me sick and I am trying to stay away from things that have too many chemicals in them. But, I'm distressed because I haven't lost weight. I know that I said that I wasn't going to make this about weight. OK, so I'm not doing a good job at that either. I know that I need to lose to be healthier but I don't want to obsess about it like I have in the past.

I know that this is a bold thought - but what if I just accepted my body the way it is and stop obsessing about it? I just realized that this began since we have decided to go home for Thanksgiving. My body has always been an issue with my family. I think it is because my body is so much different than everyone else's in my family. This has presented opportunities to tease me. Even when I was a body-builder, there was alot of teasing about how my body was different, not an appreciation for the hard work it takes to make your body look like that.

I need to just appreciate myself for who I am and what I look like at this particular moment. I have to forgive myself for not appreciating the body God gave me. I am so lucky. My particular body type has served me well. I do not have any major problems like knee or back issues. All the abuse - internal and external - has not inhibited my body's ability to work well.

It goes back to the idea of living in the moment. If I wait until my body looks better, that could be a LONG time. And then, what if it looks great and something out of my control happens? So, I go back to hating it? Why in the world would I hate something that God makes? OK, so I don't think He made it to look like it does today, but He did make it to look different from everyone else. Why not just relax and love it as a work in progress?

I am going to try my best to continue to treat my body as God's temple and to appreciate it as a work in progress. I am going to stop looking in the mirror and finding every single thing I hate about it and point it out, because THAT is productive.

So, in addition to forgiving, I think another thing to repeat to myself is "Today, I am going to be thankful."