Thursday, May 27, 2010

Day Ten: Mowing as Therapy

Today I decided to mow instead of walk. This is because I could literally make hay of my yard. I knew this was the only time I might have. It actually took me longer to mow than I usually walk. And it was A LOT more work. I thought I was going to die of heat exhaustion. I guess you know I didn't.

I love to mow because it gives me time to think. I was thinking about yesterday's blog and my resistance to forgiving myself. Sometimes, even when things aren't working for me, I am hesitant to change because I am afraid. This is my hell and I know how to function in it. What would it feel like to forgive myself? Would I have to treat me differently? Would I have to think nicer thoughts about me? This is unchartered water. I have never been nice to me. Oh man, I need to forgive me for that. See, it just goes on and on and on......Well, tomorrow I am going to mow the backyard, so I'll have more time to think.

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