Day 28: Worthiness

Well, this morning on my walk, I walked back by Wal-Mart to get a few things - and to also forget a few things. It was hot and rained a little.

Yesterday, our small group watched a DVD that talked about accepting one's past. Ir has really made me think about what that means exactly. Bad things happen to all of us. Parents and others do things, intentional or not, that hurt and change who we are. It is often said that some things, like abuse, change who we were meant to be. But, What if this is who I was SUPPOSED to be? What if bad things never happened to us? What kind of person would I be?

I have often struggled with the idea that God wasn't there for me when I most needed Him while I was being abused. But, if He intervened at every point when bad things could happen to me, would I learn anything? What would my life look like then? God has showed me how to take what happened, keep what makes me better, leave behind what is now useless, and make it a life worth living for Him AND me. Maybe it was always about me bringing glory to Him through the resurrection of my lives.

What does all of this babbling have to do with forgiveness?? Ironically, I had done the work of forgiving my primary abuser years ago in therapy, however, I had obviously not made forgiveness a way of life. Now that I am moving down 'the list', I find it is getting easier and easier to view events, people and feelings in a more objective way. I have been able to look back and find some value in events and people that initially seemed bad.

In order to accept my past, I have to find value in it, which means I have to find value in me. It has made such a huge difference to me to know that God finds value in me and can use me to His good in His world. Frankly, if I were counting on using me to reach the world, I would definitely have a back-up plan.