Day Eighteen: Just keep putting one foot in front of the other

I had to run later tonight than usual. I had to work until 6:30 and then go to Wal-Mart. This is the closest I've come to connecting the entire route of my 1.5 miles.

It would have been so easy to just not run tonight. I'm really thankful I have the blog to keep me accountable. It was late and I was tired and I really just wanted to collapse in the recliner with Andy's. I think there might be something in Andy's that makes you addicted. So, instead I ran and ate salad.

I was thinking about something odd while I was running. I have had some trouble with my hips in the last 10 years or so. When I was little, I wore corrective shoes. It seems that someone, somewhere decided how my feet should hit the ground and mine needed to be corrected. I wore them from the age of about 2 until about 11. The doctor said that they don't do that anymore because your feet should hit the ground like God intended them to. So, I have been working on just letting them hit the ground the way they are supposed to. But, it is hard when you have spent a lifetime thinking about how they hit and changing it. In fact, I'm still not sure how they would hit if I weren't thinking about it. Because now, instead of thinking about how to change them, I think about just letting them hit which means I spend an awful lot of time thinking about my feet.

I think the real problem was that someone in charge of me had a problem if I didn't walk like a 'lady' or how she determined a lady would walk. So, when my feet started to turn inward, I went to the doctor to change that. So, tonight I was trying to just let my feet hit like they want to. And wondering what difference how my feet hit the ground could possibly make in the big scheme of things. This person was very caught up in appearances and what other people think...sound familiar?

I have noticed that the forgiving has come much easier than I ever thought it would. Maybe I was wrong about who I thought I was. Maybe I had the potential all along to forgive and have mercy and compassion, but who I was told I was and my reaction to experiences is what I began to believe.

Just like how my feet hit the ground was not 'right' for someone else, some aspects of my personality were also not 'right' for someone, so things were said and done to try to change me. And so, for a long time, I have believed memories and incorrect information that have given me an incorrect picture of who I really am.

But now, I know who I really am. So, I am going to relax and just let my feet hit the ground and let me be me.