OK, so I have been trying to post late every evening. That is not always working so well, because if I get in late, I forget to hit "Publish Post". So, I am going to start posting when I finish it, which is usually right after I run or walk or mow.
Yesterday (Thursday), Joe and I went to Callao, MO for a meeting with our fireworks guy. For those of you who don't know, or care, we have managed a fireworks stand for a couple of years and this year is no different. In reality, we live, eat and sleep fireworks for two and a half weeks. It is not so bad = it's kind of like working and camping for that time. It is VERY reminiscent of the weeks both of us spent doing active duty time when we were Marine Reservists.
Today I mowed instead of walking because it had to be done and it looked like it was going to rain. I was really mad at Joe and Joseph and I was astonished at how fast I could mow when truly angry.
One of the true tests of my forgiveness project came to fruition last night. Some things happened last year during fireworks that had left me angry and holding a grudge with someone who I work for. He was really close to the top of 'the list'. I had talked to him on the phone, but I had not seen him. The conversations on the phone went well, but I knew that I would REALLY know about whether or not I had truly forgiven him when I saw him. He walked up and I had no reaction at all. We shook hands and I knew that I had forgiven him and moved on.
I can say that I now know that I took the information that I learned about him from last year and can apply it to how I deal with him now. I FORGAVE him, but I did not forget that I need to be careful in my dealings with him. I am sorry that all of this is so vague, but I am never sure who will read this and I don't ever want to hurt someone or damage a relationship needlessly.
In the past, I would have just written him off and never had any dealings with him again. I now know that just because someone shows me who they really are, it doesn't mean I can't continue in a relationship - it just means I am careful.
I was proud to see that I had been able to move forward instead of holding the grudge. I am also able to see that every situation is just a fact-finding mission. I learn who people are, and make my decisions about their place in my life from that information. Some people are trustworthy and others are not. So, instead of being mad or not forgiving, I just take that information and adjust my own behavior.
I wish I had figured this out sooner...
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