Today's walk was great. A little hot, but still beats cold!! I walked further than I have before and it is mostly shaded so it was nice. I'm feeling stronger and stronger and look forward to when I will run everyday.
God is pretty funny, isn't He? Last night I got a call from one of the top two people on the forgiveness list. The weirdest part was what I DIDN'T feel. I didn't feel angry, resentful, bitter or annoyed. This was just a telephone call with someone I know. I think the forgiveness has given me the ability to see this person how God does - wounded. It doesn't change what they said or did, but I can see past that now. They hurt me just as I have hurt others. And I don't like to think about that part.
While I was walking today, I was thinking that my refusal to forgive was also leading me to expect behaviors from people who were totally incapable of performing those behaviors. All this time, I have been planting acorns and wanting a palm tree. No matter how mad I get at the tree, it's still an oak. And it's not the oak's fault. I didn't hurt these people originally, but I have lived with the results. It doesn't hurt any less, but I have a clearer view of the situation. Forgiving these people has allowed me to better understand where their pain has come from. When I think about all of this from a more objective point of view, I am able to show compassion and mercy for their pain and disappointment. And surprisingly enough, I have been able to not take things as personally.
This has also helped me to function more realistically. I no longer expect behaviors that will not come. Even with all the disappointments of not receiving what I needed from them, I still kept expecting it. Boy, that makes me sound crazy!?!? The best part is, Since I started forgiving, I have been able to see that God has been providing what I needed from other sources. I was so caught up in whining, I couldn't see the gifts I had been given.
New decision: stop whining!!
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